Plans

So I wrote in a previous post about my summer plans.  Too bad I didn't recall Proverbs 16:1 when I was writing that post.  "To man belong the plans of the heart, but from the LORD comes the reply of the tongue."  So while Adam was away I had planned to cook, exercise, and scrapbook.  Well, none of that happened.  Within 24 hours of Adam leaving Alexander had a fever.  We were never able to identify why he was so sick with diarrhea for at least five days and a high fever, even after blood work and several stool samples.  By Friday Alexander was feeling much better, but on Sunday, Father's Day, I was getting sick.  I thought my head was going to explode.  On Thursday, when the pediatrician called with more negative test results from Alexander's stool samples I asked if I could take a Z pack I already had here at home.  I typically don't like to take medication, but after a severe headache for five days I couldn't take it anymore.  So between Alexander and I being sick we had just managed to survive for the first ten days of Adam being away.  

I was awoken Friday morning with a phone call from Adam.  He quickly asks what is wrong, as I respond, "I'm sick."  He informs me there is good news and bad.  The good is he will be home on Monday and the bad is he hurt his hand.  The weekend seemed to last forever waiting for Adam to get home.  I was struggling with the reality of him coming home and not finishing his trip.  Part of me wanted to tell him to tough it out.  I just know how angry I get with myself when I don't finish something I have set out to do.  For example, if I go for a run expecting to complete at 5K and only make it 2.7 miles, as I did on Tuesday while sick, I spend the rest of the day kicking myself for not finishing.  I keep thinking, "I could have finished."  Not only was I worried that Adam would feel this way, but I didn't get to do the things I had planned while he was away.  I had only visited my mom once, I hadn't touched my scrapbooking supplies, and had probably only logged ten miles on my Nike+.  I was so disappointed, not that my husband was coming home, but that he was hurt and things hadn't gone as I had planned. 

Now that he is at home, with a broken hand and a cast for six weeks, things are still not going as planned.  Someone asked if I was happy for Adam to be home.  Well, I am happy to not be 11,000 miles apart, but I would rather him be in Nepal without a broken hand than at home with this injury, unable to drive, unable to lift the children, and frustrated because of his circumstances.  That may seem harsh, but I know he feels the same way.  It is strange how the Lord gives you peace and comfort while away from your spouse when you know they are doing God's work.  I never worried about him while he was gone.  I knew God would protect him.  Even though he is safe and not severely injured I do feel doubt rising in my soul.  I want to say, Lord, I trusted that you would protect him.  Maybe he protected him from something worse, but I just don't get it.  I must find my rest in His word,

”‘For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.’” (Jeremiah 29:11-13, NIV)

So much for my plans.  Let's see what the Lord has in store for the rest of the summer.