Christmas 2010

This is our first Christmas without Daddy.  Things are not at all usual today.  Instead of going to Frankfort, Adam, Alexander, and I are staying here in Lexington.  I have been busy cooking all day.  Started with Monkey Bread and sausage balls for breakfast on Christmas day.  Next I made Rice Krispie ornament balls for church tonight.  Alexander loved rolling the ornaments in red and green sprinkles.  I even wrapped Rolos in foil to look like the ornament hanger.  Alexander wore his apron while helping to make the dinner rolls.  He is very interested in cooking lately.  Finally, we began cooking dinner...cornish game hens, dressing, broccoli, and a new homemade roll recipe.  Not sure how the rolls will turn out.  As a matter of fact now sure how anything will turn out except the broccoli. 
Adam's mom and sister will be here late tonight.  We will open gifts tomorrow and have a dinner of pork loin, mashed potatoes, and green beans.  

Most importantly we are excited to celebrate the birth of our Lord Jesus Christ.  As we prepare for the birth of our baby Audrey in  just a few weeks, I can certainly relate with the feelings of anxiety and excitement Mary felt within her.  The one thing I can't imagine is knowing that this child was going to be the Savior of the World and would one day be crucified for our sake. Luke 1:31-33 "You will conceive and give birth to a son, and you are to call him Jesus. ³² He will be great and will be called the Son of the Most High. The Lord God will give him the throne of his father David, ³³ and he will reign over Jacob’s descendants forever; his kingdom will never end.” 

Because of this, although we dearly miss Daddy we have the promise that we will one day be reunited in heaven.  What a great promise.  Merry Christmas everyone. 

Christmas 2010

With Love Chartreuse Christmas 5x7 folded card

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Shutterfly Christmas Cards

 I can’t wait to take some pictures of my little man for our 2010 Christmas cards.  I can just see him now sitting among the gifts under the tree.  Unlike last year he is now mobile and will be harder to keep still.  Regardless we have a beautiful green gingham outfit for him to wear with candy cane smocking from my favorite Little English.  Oh how I wish baby Audrey was here for this Christmas, but next year our pictures will be even more exciting with the addition of our new baby girl.

In the past I have used a variety of companies to print our Christmas cards such as Walgreens and Wal-Mart, but this year I will be using Shutterfly instead.  I especially love the collage cards such as this one

http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/cards-stationery/family-wall-red-christmas-card-5x7-flat?sortType=1&storeNode=93496

What I especially love about it is that I don’t have to choose just one image to include in our Christmas card. It is so easy to upload the images and drag them into the card. 

This could even be a great way to create birth announcements of our precious baby girl after her arrival in late January.  There are lots of other great gift ideas available at Shutterfly as well, such as their photo books, calendars, wall art and more.  Happy picture taking. http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards

A Milestone Day

Wow!  Alexander began and ended this day with a milestone.  Since being sick last week, Alexander has been reluctant to sleep in his crib.  Because today was election day, which meant no school, I was willing to sacrifice some sleep.  Thus being said, I opted to see if Alexander would sleep in the big bed in what will be his new room.  After laying down with him for a few minutes, while he twirled his blonde locks, he fell fast asleep.  He did not wake until seven this morning, which is a bit earlier than usual.  Regardless, he made it through the night.

Thanks to our sweet friend Carolyn, we had an amazing day at the zoo.  We enjoyed viewing all of the animals in God's beautiful creation.  Alexander's cousin Caroline joined us as well.  He adores "Liney."  His favorite animals were certainly the giraffes, or "raffes," as he calls them.  The snow leopard, elephants, and gorillas were fascinating.  The weather was gorgeous, just a little cool, but the sunshine provided just enough warmth to make it comfortable. 

Upon arriving home, Alexander was hungry for a jelly bean.  He only gets a jelly bean when he sits on the potty.  While waiting no so patiently, I heard Alexander say, "Uh oh, poo poo."  I continued to encourage him to go poo poo until I saw that he had already pee peed on the floor. There was some in the potty, but the majority hit the floor instead.  I'm not sure how to fix this problem.  Alexander got two jelly beans instead of his usual one.  Mommy and Daddy clapped and cheered for his accomplishment.  Wow, what a day. 

Books, Songs, and Lions

It is so exciting to hear all of Alexander's new words.  He can and will repeat nearly everything we say.  Just last week he counted to ten independently.  This is such a thrilling event for a teacher.  He can complete the words on most pages of his favorite book, Barnyard Dance.  He finishes each line of Twinkle Twinkle Little Star.  Today when Adam and I arrived home from school he demonstrated his ability to sing "Rise and Shine and give God the glory, glory."  He says, "Glory, Glory."  He no longer calls every book a Bible, but calls them book instead. His growing vocabulary and increased attention makes our nightly reading time even more precious.  Rarely does Alexander resist snuggling together in the rocking chair in his room.  I am not sure how this will work when baby Audrey arrives, but I want to make the most of the next few months while Alexander is willing and Audrey doesn't need our attention. 

For Halloween Alexander dressed as a lion.  His furry costume kept him warm and cozy.  He enjoyed playing with his friends at the church Harvest Party.  Alexander was awarded candy for playing games.  I was pleased that he chose Milk Duds and enjoyed using them as maracas rather than eating them.  We visited Alexander's Mimi, Nana, and Cissy.  He certainly brought great joy to a not so cheery group of ladies.  He rustled through the leaves dressed as an adorable lion.  He served everyone pretend coffee and played with the pumpkins.  
Last night Alexander slept in his big bed.  Although he woke up at seven he made it through the night.  We are hoping to have this transition complete before Audrey arrives.  We are excited to visit the zoo today.  I know Alexander will love seeing all of the animals.  

Reality Sets In

Today we celebrated the life of my wonderful father.  It was amazing to see so many who loved and adored him.  I am eternally grateful for the outpouring of love and support from my friends and church family.  We have been lavished with love and lots of food all week.  Many who have never met my dad traveled to Frankfort from Lexington for a few brief moments to extend their love and support.  Many shared with us stories of how Daddy has blessed their lives or been an inspiration to them.  Over the last week as I compiled every possible picture of Daddy so many memories returned to me.  He was an amazing father, faithful friend, and servant of the Lord.  He was so many things to many different people.  Over the last two weeks of his life as he became so weak and frail this was not the man I knew.  To me he had always been a symbol of strength.  In the last few hours of his life it seemed as though there was no strength at all remaining in that withered body, but yet I know that he was holding on until all of his children and family were able to spend time with him and tell him how much we loved him.  Even though he was unable to speak I know the love he had for us as well.  Although everyone but my mom and aunt had left the hospital that afternoon, hoping to return the next day, I feel certain that Daddy released himself to the Lord so that most of us would not be present for the most difficult moments.   Even my mom had gone to get dinner for my aunt and herself.  My aunt called her quickly back to the room and mom was able to be there with him in those final moments.  I wonder if he was even trying to spare her the pain of being present when his spirit left his body.  Daddy’s desire was to donate his body to science.  We were able to accomplish this through the Genesis program.   http://www.genesislegacy.org/home.htm  After six to twelve months we will receive a report noting all of the things doctors were able to learn from their study of his body.  My prayer is that his sacrifice will provide answers that will lead to breakthroughs in cancer treatment or other terminal illnesses.  Daddy’s wishes to donate his body were so representative of how he lived his life, for the good of others. 

At the service we sang two hymns, On Jordan’s Stormy Banks and Ring the Bells of Heaven.  Two other songs were played that Daddy loved, Living Prayer by Alison Krauss and Above All by Rebecca St. James.  Adam gave a brief tribute to my dad through his reading of Matthew 5:38-48.  His illustration of how Daddy would go two miles with you even if you only asked him to go one is a completely accurate picture of my dad.  As Paul commemorated my dad he spoke of how Martha said to Jesus when Lazarus died, “if you had been here, my brother would not have died.”  John 11:21.  Although we feel that we did all we could to preserve Daddy’s life there is still the feeling of what if we had done this or that, would he still be alive?  Even though that is not what the apostle Paul is pointing out here, but instead he is noting that only our faith in Christ will provide us with eternal glory with him in heaven.  Only Christ can provide us with this promise of eternity in his presence.  I am so thankful Daddy knew the truth that Jesus is “the resurrection and the life. He who believes in me will live, even though he dies; and whoever lives and believes in me will never die.”  John 11:25-26

Although I am filled with sadness and will forever miss my dad, I can’t imagine the overwhelming loneliness my mom feels.  She said that no man could ever compare to Daddy.  She is certainly right about that.  He was the peace maker of the family, the comforter, provider, and was made completely in the image of God.  In spite of the peace we have that Daddy is standing before his Savior, cancer free, pain free, and rejoicing like never before our selfishness wishes he was still here.  My prayer is that as a result of my dad’s Christ likeness, our struggles and witness to others, or however God may work through this struggle that others will come to know Christ.  I must find peace knowing, “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28 

All week I have struggled with wholly understanding that Daddy is no longer living on this earth.  Today's events made this fact a reality. Although the visitation and memorial are now over, the hard part truly begins now. 

Random Memories

One Christmas morning, when Beanie Babies were popular, Daddy woke me up early and said, “Hope, come see what Santa brought.”  Although in college, I would have never told my Daddy there was no such thing as Santa.  Daddy was a kid at heart, and nothing less than the wonder and surprise of Santa would do for him.  Beneath the tree, not wrapped, as the usual Santa manner for our family, sat the Praying Hope Bear Beanie Baby.  This was not the small version, but the full sized bear.  His tag read, “Every night when it's time for bed, Fold your hands and bow your head.  An angelic face, a heart that's true. You have a friend to pray with you!”  What a special Christmas morning before the sun rose, with the Christmas trees aglow and the anticipation of another celebration of the birth of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

This bear has been with me since.  Recently Alexander was playing with the bear and accidentally removed the heart shaped tag.  By the look on my face he could tell I was disappointed.  He sweetly said, “Sorry Mommy.”  It wasn’t that I was angry with Alexander, but I wanted to preserve that bear just like I want to preserve my childhood and every precious memory with my wonderful dad.  Although I have never had a comfort item, other than the Cowboys fleece blanket that I sleep with every night, I am confident this bear will remain a lasting memory of my precious Daddy.  

A Father's Love

After several quick trips to Nashville this week due to doctors fearing Daddy wouldn’t make it through the day this became a reality.  Thursday night was a calm evening and Daddy had been still and had not responded for many hours.  Friday continued the same way.  Sister, Steve, and I departed Nashville late Friday morning.  Rob and Derrick followed a few hours later expecting to return on Saturday. 

Eager to see Alexander I returned home to him where we immediately began getting the house in order, cleaning, doing laundry, and catching up on tasks that are never completed when I am away.  I am extremely thankful for Jessica, who keeps Alexander; she does maintain the house and dishes better than anyone else who cares for Alexander, except my mom of course.

Adam left for Big Blue Madness to see the new Wildcat Basketball team.  As I was changing the sheets on Alexander’s crib, a very difficult task even when I am not pregnant, the phone rang.  Mom simply said, “Daddy is gone.”  This was such a shock since we felt his condition had not declined over the last day.  We knew this time wasn’t far away, but we felt optimistic he would make it through the weekend.

It was hard to grasp.  I still don’t know that I fully understand what has happened.  Although I have great peace that Daddy is rejoicing in heaven with our Savior Jesus Christ and I will see him again someday I can hardly bear to contemplate what life will be like without him.  Daddy did so much for my family and I.  There was no job too big for him.  He would help us paint, move furniture, power wash the siding of our house, and so much more.

Daddy accepted me as his own daughter twenty eight years ago when he married my mom.  My biological father has not been an influence in my life.  I could never have asked for a better father.  He was the dad he didn’t have to be.  I began calling him Daddy Bobby unsure of how I was to relate to this new person in my life.  Daddy worked third shift to best support the needs of his growing family.  He was asleep each day when I returned home from school.  It was often difficult to wake him when I got home, but he would wake to make sure I was safe and began my homework.  Since Mama was a busy business woman Daddy would often have many home responsibilities.  I recall him trying to fix my hair and do the other things moms are supposed to do.  He was so gentle.  He was the one I wanted when I was sick.  I would only allow him to nurse my wounds and turn the earrings in my newly pierced ears. 

Daddy was loved by my friends.  He would go rent movies for my friends and me.  He loved to get us movies like Betty Boop or Pee Wee Herman.  He was more than Hope’s dad to many of my friends.  Daddy learned to clog and built a building on our property where he taught hundreds of others to clog as well.  He choreographed amazing dances to Michael Jackson’s “Bad” and other popular songs during the late 80’s and early 90’s.  Daddy was known as the Clog Master. 

Daddy taught me to drive a tractor, care for the garden, set, top and strip tobacco.  He allowed me to drive the truck around our four acres of land collecting broken limbs and doing yard work at the age of ten.  As a teenager one of my few punishments was to help him spread manure on the flower beds.  I certainly learned my lesson.  Although any teenager would have rather been at the high school football game that Friday night I still enjoyed my time with Daddy even though I was angry.  Ephesians 6:4 “Fathers, do not provoke your children to anger, but bring them up in the discipline and instruction of the Lord.”

Daddy retired from IBM/LexMark in 1997.  Although eager to be retired Daddy returned to work in order for me to go to college.  I was the first of the four children to go directly to college after high school.  My brothers went into the military and my sister worked for a while before going to KSU.  Daddy continued to work on contract for several years.  His additional income was used to pay for my wedding as well. 

Although Daddy was always involved in church, when I entered college Daddy became an asset to the youth group at Evergreen Baptist Church.  He chaperoned summer camps and labored in eastern Kentucky on church mission trips.  He continued to give of himself to others just as he had done for his own children.  His giving extended much further than the chewing gum he handed out to the children at church each Sunday. 

In 2000, Daddy became a grandfather.  He was so proud of Caroline.  His love for his grandchildren continued when Jaxson, Conner, and Carter were born.  I was so jealous of my brothers and sister because I wanted a child who could be loved by Daddy Bob.  Finally, in 2008 Adam and I had our first child Alexander.  There was an instant bond between the two.  Alexander adored Bob and enjoyed the two short years of wagon rides, tractor rides, and visits to the garden with him. 

In spite of his love for his five grandsons, Daddy was eager to have another granddaughter.  Caroline is now ten years old.  In September we learned that we were having a baby girl.  By this time, Daddy was too sick to really be able to enjoy and anticipate her arrival.  Although he will not be here to spoil and love her I know he was pleased to know he would have another granddaughter. 

Daddy was such an amazing influence on so many people.  I pray we may carry on his love and light for the Lord.  Matthew 5:16 “In the same way, let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven.”

Although I will miss him each and every day I have great peace because of God’s promise in  

1 Thessalonians 413-17 “Brothers, we do not want you to be ignorant about those who fall asleep, or to grieve like the rest of men, who have no hope. ¹⁴We believe that Jesus died and rose again and so we believe that God will bring with Jesus those who have fallen asleep in him. ¹⁵According to the Lord's own word, we tell you that we who are still alive, who are left till the coming of the Lord, will certainly not precede those who have fallen asleep. ¹⁶For the Lord himself will come down from heaven, with a loud command, with the voice of the archangel and with the trumpet call of God, and the dead in Christ will rise first. ¹⁷After that, we who are still alive and are left will be caught up together with them in the clouds to meet the Lord in the air. And so we will be with the Lord forever.”

I praise God for twenty-eight amazing years with a man who showed me how to serve others, love the Lord, and do more than what anyone would ever ask or expect of you. 

A Change of Seasons

I refuse to give up summer until October first.  After a quick trip to Nashville and back on Thursday and Friday, Alexander and I spent Saturday removing the signs of summer and welcoming fall.  Alexander is a little intimidated by the scarecrow, but loves the pumpkins.  For more than a year he has not allowed us to put away the jack a lantern that sits next to him in the car.  He calls it turtle. 

 Along with the new fall décor came the need to organize all of the baby amenities.  We sorted through all the maternity clothes and emptied the closet that will be in Alexander’s new room.  As I pulled out each tiny item of Alexander’s wardrobe from the last two years memories flooded my head.  I could recall who gave each gift and special events where Alexander wore each outfit.  Although I am eager to shop for lots of pink for our new baby girl I was able to find numerous blue, green, and yellow items that will be useful for our new bundle of joy. 

With fall break this week I am excited to spend precious time with my big boy.  After a night away from him last week I am reluctant to leave again on the date I have planned with Adam, but I know this will be a much needed break from the difficulties we have experienced.  “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.”  Matthew 11:28-30 

Just as we thought Daddy was getting close to the end of radiation and finally experiencing some relief from the shoulder pain we learn he must have surgery to replace the right shoulder.  The cancer has completely eaten through the bone.  Adam has gone to Nashville as the surgery is today.  I know my dad is becoming weary of the ongoing pain and constant obstacles, but I pray that he will continue to find the strength to fight this battle so we may enjoy many more years with him.  The change of seasons has brought more than cool air and falling leaves.  No longer can I be Daddy’s little girl, but must put aside my needs and wants and do all I can to help provide him comfort love and peace.  He is worth every bit of it.